It’s time to stop Breastfeeding. I say this with so much sadness and guilt. I know that I am stopping because that is what’s best for me, not because it’s best for LissyLou, that’s hard, really hard, to cope with. Not only do I feel guilty that I’m stopping while she still needs milk but I feel guilty for taking her comfort away from her.
I know this is going to take every ounce of strength I have, and right now I don’t feel very strong. The guilt is eating away at me, I feel like I should continue for as long as she wants to feed but I know that is impractical. I think part of it is also that deep down I know I will never breastfeed again, it marks the end of my ‘baby’ days. I am lucky, I have two wonderful children, and I know I don’t want any more, my family is complete and that’s a great feeling . But to know that you will never do something again can either be quite liberating, or can be quite heart breaking. With C it was liberating, with LissyLou I’m pretty sure it will be heartbreaking.
With C I made the decision rashly, I stopped cold turkey one day when he eventually drank a bottle of formula. It was incredibly painful, but a bit of a revelation, I felt free, breastfeeding C had always been such hard work, I felt like a weight had been lifted. With LissyLou I won’t make the same physical mistake again, I know that it is better to slowly stop so that your milk dries up steadily, but mentally? Time will tell!
So I’m starting now, I’m going to try and swap her feeds over to bottle one at a time over the next few weeks with a view to stopping completely by Mid October, this gives both LissyLou and I time to get used to the idea. I’m going to be brave, I have to be brave. This is the end of breastfeeding but not the end of the world! I think I might be making that into my silent mantra…..